I asked him who taught him to spell. The lottery girl starts reading out the numbers, 45, 10, 05. 5. Probably. Don't check the fridges; check out these, Animals are funny enough without the wordplay, but these. 45 math puns that are better than pi itself, A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is, No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be, After hours of waiting for the bowling alley to open, we finally, Always trust a glue salesman. But graphing is where I draw the line! There are a lot of words in the English language, so good luck figuring that one out. By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. Score a home run with these hilarious baseball puns and jokes! Teacher: So how do you set up this integral? The skit ends with a simple read my mind routine that takes Lous last remaining bill. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. A: Gummybear, Q: How do you organize a space party? She is ingenious in finding the best pictures of funny and adorable animals, though she especially loves supplying readers with tattoo designs. Bud Abbott: Do me a favor, loan me $50. A: You're one in a melon. 14. However, only the best puns will do; adding too many puns will make readers roll their eyes. A: T-Rex, Q: What job did the frog have at the hotel? What is a pun? Why are frogs so happy? Puns are also known as paronomasia, a rhetorical device that uses the dual meaning of a word to achieve an effect. Patient: Doctor, I've lost my memory. My boss yelled at me the other day, Youve got to be the worst train driver in history. Why did Adele cross the road? Welcome to the pun-kin patch! Red paint. A: A crookodile, Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo? " puns on the words "kidding" (kitten) and "now" (meow). That was a real lightbulb moment, really lit me up! It caused me a lot of baggage but I must carry on. Lou Costello: 40. Everyone thinks my runny nose is funny, but it's snot. Because she knew she wasnt greater than or less than anyone else. Check out these punny slideshows that are perfect for your next chuckle. A pun, also known as paronomasia, is a form of word play that exploits multiple meanings of a term, or of similar-sounding words, for an intended humorous or rhetorical effect. Send Good Vibes. I cant loan you $50. Learn More. He had only supported 7 because of a long standing friendship. Daddy robot says number 1 or number 10?. A lawsuit, What is the difference between a dead dear and a dead lawyer? She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Here's a fun fact: the word noon comes from the Latin word "nona hora," which translates to "ninth hour." During medieval times, noon fell every 3 PM. Van GTend Ten Loos v Nederlandse Administratie der BelastingTen Tweet Van Gend en Loos v Nederlandse Administratie der Belastingen: First . If she were a president, she would make good coffee and sweets free of charge for the whole country. Add 2. -, "Time flies like an arrow. But numbers can. Lou Costello: How come I owe you 10? RELATED: Punny Food Pickup Lines That Guarantee a Chuckle. Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. superin ten dent. 48. Fur score and seven years ago; Did you need me to . - Stewart Francis, New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group, Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted, Residents Warned to Protect Fish and Hens to Avoid Otter Devastation, Big Rig Carrying Fruit Crashes on 210 Freeway, Creates Jam, You don't have to be a cat lover to love these, Feeling hungry for some humor? Count quackula, I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure, I'm on a seafood diet. The word bereisheet has three root letters (ROSh), a one letter prefix (B) and a two-letter suffix (eeT). She's not ill or anything, but she could definitely get better. Did you hear about the auto body shop that just opened? 110+ Coffee Jokes for Caffeine Lovers (LOL) 105+ Hilarious Cow Jokes For Kids. 5/4 - May the 4th be with you - A pun on "May the force be with you." Today in Advanced Microfabrication, we were talking about diffusion into silicon. 3. Come on, dole them out, we'd all benefit. A: Hoodini, Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor? 6 couldn't believe it. Why was King Arthur's army too tired to fight? The best first: I have two very nice lamps in my living room. Pork chop, Q: What did the watermelon say to the cantaloupe? We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Man at the theatre asks the usher: whats my seat number?. Because they have two left feet! The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. A: Pork chop, Q: What do you call an everyday potato? I could table a meeting with the chair of their sideboard. It had too many sleepless knights. Tequila mockingbird. Please check link and try again. Because it had a lot of stories! Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? Todays my 43rd birthday and Im sitting st breakfast with my 8 year old. There is a mysterious story in 2 Kings that can help us understand what is happening in the Transfiguration. Man asks widow if he can say a word at the funeral. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics), Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out, 30 Y.O. quincen ten nial. Dont worry, though - he woke up, What do you call the wife of a hippie? Hey Pandas, What Is Your Favorite Conspiracy Theory? Wife: "Come on little bug, and get some supper." Rome wasn't split into two? Why not go out on a limb? Examples of compound puns are: One hundred hares have escaped the zoo, so police are combing the area. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? Hey Pandas, Post A Picture Of A Cat Being Naughty, 30 Pictures Of Beautiful Bangladeshi People By Mou Aysha (New Pics), 79 Surreal Images Of Sneakers Placed In Some Very Interesting Locations By Carlos Jimnez Varela. Paul has a shitty life, his wife constantly berates him, his job sucks, his boss is a bully, his car is a shitty 85 ford pinto with a cracked windshield and is in bad need of a new transmission and to top it all off he's chubby, balding, and he has a small penis. Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak. and I burst into tears. There are over 200 short jokes that will keep you and your friends chucklesnorting all day! The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any, Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? Chiron confronts Aaron, his mother's lover, whom he believes is responsible for . Jokes help teach kids word sounds, meanings of certain words, a bigger vocabulary and even practice spelling. He gathered 1, 3 and 5 together to take down 6. What do you call an ant who won't go away? 13. Rhymes then den wren en fen glen wen yen hen ken. (This was ranked #1): A woman gets on a bus with her baby. I'm a big fan of whiteboards. Together they form the word ration, a word on which this pun is based, and which is a controlled allocation of food, goods or other resources. Why can't you run through a campground? The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. The kids both gasp and their eyes go wide. Both of Paul and Artie's hearts start beating, thats 200$ already. A. I guess we'll just have to make dew. Egg-Squisite Egg Preparation & Presentation. An ion is an atom with either a negative or positive electrical charge, and a rat is a rodent. A buccaneer. Practicing without a licence is ill-legal. 20. Theyd stop at nothing to avoid them. Compound puns include two punny words in one statement, or they rely on the sound of two words blended together to make the joke. Mice crispies. They close out the bar and as the ugly lights come on they stumble blitzed, singing, onto the street arm in arm with the winning lottery ticket in hand and start the long walk back to Paul's place. So scroll down below, vote for the funniest, and let us know what you think! I couldn't if I fried. [Pause] But you owe me 40. Q. Well, if you're not a doctor, that's probably why. 200 Hilarious Jokes For Teens And Tweens. Editors and advertisers love a good pun! 12 was powerful, but there was one who could reverse his decision to harbor 6. As long as there are words that sound similar to the words "deez" or "nuts", many more deez nuts puns will continue to come out. (2022) Make Somebodys Day! One asks, Whats your favorite kind of music? The other says, Im a big metal fan., Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Lou Costello: No, I cant. Bud Abbott: Dont change the subject. Homographic puns are also known as heteronymic ("same name") puns. Share a giggle with these funny jokes! 11 was all primed for the party, but when he factored in the whole situation, 12 split for (4) 3s house. About 10 minutes later the family are queued for my till. Ahhhh, I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. There's something about the sound of a bat hitting a ball, the smell . 39. The art competition ended in a draw. Everybody: "YEAAHHH!!! Surprisingly, eggs aren't just for inspiring puns, they also make vital centerpieces to egg-squisite breakfasts and brunches. 28. I said to my best friend The words cant describe how beautiful you are! At 2:54 p.m., he rolled them down the aisle, and they crashed into the teacher's desk. A panda walks into a cafe. A maybe, When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane, All chemists know that alcohol is always a solution, Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine, The furniture store keeps calling me to come back. Jokes bring kids together that normally have nothing in common with one another, but everyone loves a good joke so it gives them something to interact with. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. My best friend just told me she doesnt like Lord of the Rings, but she definitely doesnt know what shes Tolkien about. Encountered a little dad joke between my uncle and dad today Heard this in the hospital waiting room today. He had the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo, That's like Larry the Cableguy's joke. When your pun relies on the way words sound alike but have different meanings and spellings, it's a homophonic pun. It was both of my parents(they like to put me on speakerphone so they can talk to me simultaneously) informing me of my Dad's new cellular device. @HelloJessicaFox. Be the wittiest tweeter, texter, and writer wherever you go! , Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. Rays friends claim hes a baseball nut. Charity: A few charity-related phrases for you to use in your gift puns: " Charity begins at home," and "A charitable person.". 82.65 % / 325 votes. RT @DoobusGoobus: 1. A poultry-geist, Whaddya call a vampire duck? Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common? (Credit: justbadpuns.com), I'm only friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. These silly wordplay jokes about stags will amuse the whole family! What is red and smells like blue paint? Bud Abbott: All right, theres your $40, now give me the 10 you owe me. In a few more years no smokers around to get this. Over 300 FUNNY Jokes to Make You Laugh! Hey Pandas, Who Was Your Favorite Black History Month Icon You Learned About This BHM? Charlotte Bront is such a breath of fresh Eyre. I've spent all day readingit was bound to happen. 13 had the unlucky task of adjudicating the meeting. If you were a fruit, you'd be a fine-apple, Q: What do you get when two dinosaurs crash their cars? A proton and a neutron were walking down the street. You dont want to overdue it. 14 letter words containing ten. She told her daughter: "Honey, if you say that you are four we are going to pay less. No. Bud Abbott: Well, give me the 30 and youll owe me 20. 6. 9 was his best friend. (Credit: @punnstagram), What do you call a thieving alligator? Baseball is America's favorite pastime, and for a good reason. What is a cars favorite genre? I have a daughter who turns 4 next month. (Credit: justbadpuns on tumblr), My boss yelled at me the other day, Youve got to be the worst train driver in history. How was Rome split in two? You gave me 30, so you owe me 20. 1. I got my girlfriend a 'Get better soon' card. I'll never forget the day I first met my wife. One can only imagine where the roots of puns are hidden. However, every time we would, we would get different answers, so we'd recount, then get different answers again! I don't know and don't really care. Sal: I only have my shelf to blame. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder. Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Can we all agree to leave writing poetry to the prose? Ooops! Bill, What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms and no legs? The most common of word play examples is the pun. Will Smith made his first awards show appearance this week since the infamous 2022 Oscars, during which he slapped Chris Rock across the face and was subsequently banned from the event for 10 years. I didn't know my dad was a . The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. The maestro turned away from the orchestra as they told him the bad news; he couldn't face the music. What's the best thing about Switzerland? I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. Which countrys capital has the fastest-growing population? What do deer love to read in their spare time? "I'm a panda," he says at the door. One of the key measurements of diffusion is Q, or the total number of dopants in the substrate. Good Jokes for Adults. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over, I guess they appreciate the gravity of the situation (not), It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally, Whats the difference between a hippo and a zippo? Past, present, and future walked into a bar. Keep goingyoure on the write track! Reading Skills. Everyone has said stupid stuff 5 years ago let's be honest 3. dairyman be a cowboy? Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan." One liner tags: attitude, communication, puns. Your feedback will help us improve the article. 27. EDIT : sorry 3 groups of people. Sadly, he lost his case. No, it's bear tracks. It's the title of a real book that tackles both whimsical and serious philosophical questions about all things Zelda. 1.) Teenage me cringed, probably gonna do it myself at some point now. A: You rocket, Q: What do you call a thieving crocodile? What's a tiger's favourite Christmas song? She drew a scraggly 7, a rough 8, then began making a 10. Theres something so gratifying about taking word-related words (yes, you read that right) and making jokes out of them. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. All these sea monster jokes are just Kraken me up. If only I had known about her history of violins. to read out the numbers. Bud Abbott: All right, heres your $30, now give me the 20 you owe me. With a pair of Ceasars. We respect your privacy. I lost my mood ring, and I don't know how I'm feeling about that, Guy walks into a bar and lays a dead giraffe on the floor. Thank you for taking the time to share your feedback with us! A Crookodile, What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? 4. Q. The small tree had a bunch of those stereotypical ornaments (round, plain, solid color) in a bunch of different colors. A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback. Don't be so kitty. Illustration of a Girl Riding a Bicycle With a Pun Example, Bike: Marina Funt / iStock / Getty Images Plus / Background: Tolchik / iStock / Getty Images Plus. Unless, of course, you play bass." Light travels faster than sound. semicen ten nial. He then asked us, "So if you have 5Q and then 5 more Q, how many do you have? It was such a nice jester! Kids are fascinated by hospitals, medicine, doctors and nurses, and how their body works, but these jokes probably won't teach them anything about those things! "Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. These ambiguities can arise from the intentional use of homophonic, homographic, metonymic, or figurative language.A pun differs from a malapropism in that a malapropism is an incorrect variation on a correct expression . She said, "Wii.". Lou Costello: 50 by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes. They eat whatever bugs them. asks the bartender. I want to receive exclusive email updates from YourDictionary. Paul and Artie went to the same High School together. and I thought by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes. It left a hole but they're looking into it. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal? Meaning he might not have enjoyed this as much as I. Her: No. 43. "7, why did you eat 9". 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. An, I've been to the dentist many times, so I know the, What did one plant say to another? I told her she forgot the 9. And that clever book pun provides an excellent segue to these accounting jokes that really add up. Comedians and writers use puns all the time in their acts and writing. Should have been watching it better. But it doesn't matter how kind you are. B****, paw -lease. After finishing her Creative Industries studies, her career took off here at our office. Three times 7 went to 21's compound. In fact, they don't typethey write with fountain pens. Image ArthurHidden, under a Creative Commons license. A: Sofishticated, Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth? Remember too that good deez nuts jokes are crude and super annoying! The bartender says "Hey..what's that lyin' there." Theres no menu - you get what you deserve. Check out the different types of puns, and enjoy additional pun examples to get you laughing! No comet. They traveled around Europe that one summer in college. Did you hear about the 2 silk worms in a race? Fortunately, I have a bizarrely good memory for numbers and, without skipping a beat, I reel off the one he gave me when he came in the store. To say hello from the other side. I started reading a book about mazesI got lost in it. But this was unforgivable. Come on, Abbott give me my $40. You can change your preferences. Lou Costello: No. I can tell you like meyou keep checking me out. A patient sobs to his doctor, "I feel like a pair of curtains!" Doctor: "Well pull yourself together man! His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes, My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes, When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. Opening a new shadow puppet theatre. Puns rely on words that are similar in spelling, sound or meaning to make their listener laugh. Subscribe to The Pun. Weird Al used this in his movie "UHF" and the janitorial staff was oriental. Loser-esque yet hilarious, unbearably foolish yet clever at the same time - puns will never get boring, even if they'd be the last jokes left on Earth. Error occurred when generating embed. About 8/10 when my dad was checking out at the grocery store or best buy or somthing with a rewards card he would do the same dad joke (which I now find hilarious). . You knowcause he's blind.". I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time. All rights reserved. This makes it a prime number. A. Sorry, I can be a little bit shelf-ish sometimes when it comes to my book collection! We recommend our users to update the browser. Clever Jokes That Make You Sound Smart. 37. Whats the best way to flirt with a math teacher? 3/11 - There's an awesome band called 311 I opened my journal but didnt know which page to usewrite or left. Posted this on r/Talesfromretail and it was suggested I post here. He has no reason to text. The ceremony wasn't much, but the, I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a, The cartoon animator felt imprisoned by his job. We call him the Village Idiom. exis ten tialism. Because seven ate nine. It was a booby trap, Aint that the truth, boobs feel trapped in bras. This number represents the number of atoms in one gram of Carbon-12. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. Tonight we were out with my dad for dinner and went back to his house after, where my daughter sat down with a dry erase book to practice making numbers. 5. A: He lost his case. I havent been to the library in a whilehow Dewey find the books? 12. I guess being 43 means that Im in my prime! Both wife and daughter stopped and stared at me for about 10 seconds, then slowly shook their heads and walked past me. Everything you need over 50% OFF. Doctor: When did this happen? Ill do algebra, Ill do trig. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. ( Czech and check, for instance.) Sorry I cant hang out. Here are more deez nuts jokes to make you laugh! Trying to get online at my mother-in-laws, I scrolled through various Internet access names. I'll tell you if you're right. idk if this counts but it was one of my dad's go-to's and the amount of times he did it combined w/ the eye roll punchline made it one to me. In fact he was stuck in a dead end job as a construction labourer. Because it is never right. (Look at audience) First I owe him 10, now I owe him 20. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. He wanted to check out a mystery. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Related: Pumpkin Quotes. Then it hit me, I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work. It gets the readers' attention because they must read it once more to really get the meaning. hyperex ten sion. Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between the pot he uses to make potions and his best friend? Incident #2: 23. Food-Related Deer-Themed Wordplay Puns These deer puns about food are fantastically funny. We got around 24 for the red ones, so went to tell our grandpa. 11 Funny Jokes About Numbers. Artie isn't the brightest bulb in the world, but he's always been there for Paul in the tough times. He could not free himself from his, I thought Santa was going to be late, but he arrived in the, "You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish. 10. Remember Phil? We each counted 3 times separately, then compared, then decided to average them. 101 Best Bad Funny Puns 1. Tom: Y. What do you call a bee that cant make up its mind? 50. I told her for being a math honors student, I would think she'd recognize that 46 is an even number. All I did was take a day off, The man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran, My dad farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels, A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. It comes highly wreck-a-mended. Homily starter anecdotes: # 1 : " O Lord, open his eyes so he may see .". 46. Incident #1: Orange you pumped that it's almost Halloween? The first one is on the house.". Lou Costello: On account I dont know how I owe it to ya. More Cat Puns. 7 couldn't follow. It ended in a tie! Who needs one pun when you can have two? Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? For Paul's 46th birthday Artie was pretty broke, so all he could get his friend was a single lottery ticket. As in "Feel deez nuts on your face!". He had stag fright! I opened the box and looked in, there was an envelope in side, when I opened it, a folded piece of paper fell out. Lou Costello: But how can I loan ya $50, now. I thought it was a nice, The politician is not one for Indian food. I was literally the only person in our 10 person class who laughed at those. Me: Can 43 be divided by 2?Is it even? Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. The man said "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe.". Bob. A: It wasn't peeling well, Q: What do you call a classy fish? OK, that was weird, I went on serving. Lou Costello: Thats right. Here are all the latest ant jokes and ant puns - no ant-iquated humor here! The number would be put in manually before putting the shopping through and the customer would get back one penny on every pound they spent. If you are drinking milk or any other liquid while reading these number jokes, there is a very high probability that it will start shooting out of your nose due to hysterical laughter! Dad: The oven's only big enough for a turkey! My uncle always told me he had a fortune in a safe deposit box. And the war was over. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. Johnny says, "Eddie Murphy! Fair warning: Googling a team name is arguably a more punishable offence than searching out an answer, and you may be banished from the quizzing community indefinitely if caught. I'm a proud member of PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals! You can also find amazing math puns you're looking for with 45 math puns that are better than pi itself. 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I was hoping you guys could get a number so I wouldn't have to! ", Not that funny when retold, but it was hilarious then, First off my dad is legally blind. Witches make the best editors because they always run spell check. He couldnt control his volume. Somebody stole all my lamps I couldnt be more de-lighted! I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus. I enjoy every minute of it, I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. Im not really a mourning person. 7 had long offended 6. I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says The Titanic is syncing., How do you make holy water? "What's your kid's name?" ; List of forms of word play: This is a list of techniques used in word play.Techniques that involve the phonetic values of words Mondegreen: a mishearing (usually unintentional) . Submitted by J. Lee, There's a guy in town who walks around talking to himself using only figurative language. Because shell go on and on and on forever. Whisker-y Business. SUPPLIES! 11. "I've go the body of a 16 year old. One day a family who I hadn't seen before came in and while the mum and kids wandered off to start shopping. I asked my French friend if she likes to play video games. 8. Then there's the. What do you call an alligator in a vest? Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" It was a play on words. Help me look for it." The neutron asks, "Are you sure?" The proton replies, "Yes, I'm positive." Bud Abbott: Thats the way you feel about it, thats the last time I ask you for a loan of $50. Tom: explains what numbers go where Writers are always cold because theyre surrounded by so many drafts. How many trains did you derail last year?" A pumpkin a day keeps the goblins away! Whats a comedians favorite book? The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. Sign up for our weekly newsletters and get: By signing in, you agree to our Terms and Conditions Puns make the world a little bit better! 9/11 reads like the emergency phone number used in the United States 10/4 - Pun for 10-4, which is similar to saying "roger that" But all I wanted was one night stand. 2. Just huddle in the corner, where its always 90 degrees. It was tense. Lou Costello: Ok. A. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Bud Abbott: So you owe me $10.